Six short years ago I left the classroom to become a full
time parent. Many believed I was making
a huge mistake. After all, I had a job! No one gives up a job these days! Wasn’t it too risky? What if, what if, what if??? My conviction was strong….visceral. I just KNEW it was the right thing to
do. Part of my choice stemmed from
lessons learned in the classroom. My
students, 14-16 years of age, were MY teachers!
Watching, listening, interacting, I learned that children fall into two
distinct groups – the haves and the have-nots.
The haves are the children whose parents are tuned in to
their child’s life. How can I tell? By observing.
Sorry, no prejudice intended, but the haves look different: They smile. Their heads are held a little higher; their
eyes rest easy into mine during a conversation. There is a ‘knowing’ about them. Like, they know to turn their music off when
they enter the room, lower their voice, and go quietly to their seat. I
learned to count on the parents of the haves to answer correspondence. I was never surprised to see one pop into the
classroom from time to time. It’s not uncommon to receive an unexpected email –
“just checking in.” The haves are like
any other teenager. They screw up but
when they do I can be assured their parent will be on it and I know a
resolution is on the horizon. Parent, student, and teacher become a
partnership.
Have nots have a different set up. There ARE parents, but generally I don’t meet
them until the end of the quarter (if at all).
I can tell without anyone saying a word which students are the have
nots. I get a lot from their eyes. Have not eyes don’t twinkle with anticipation,
they dart with uncertainty. Have nots
are loud, boisterous people demanding attention as they burst into a room. A have not will try to avoid my greeting at
the door. Rarely will they take a seat
without being told….actually, ordered.
When they do sit, it is with extreme exaggeration, sometimes knocking
into anyone in the way. Homework assignments are generally
missing. Parent conferences are
unattended. Requests for signatures are
ignored. Have not eyes drop when due
dates come around. Have nots do not expect
success; by their very action they accept defeat. One
have not parent summed it up “I don’t get it,” she said as she checked her text
messages, “he’s got everything he needs.
He’s just Ef’d up.”
Each year I watched the behaviors repeat themselves. My students taught me that to have or not
have has nothing to do with money, possessions, or status. Many of my highest achieving students came
from low income families. Some of my
lowest achieving students came from wealthy families. Without a doubt their parent’s interest and involvement
made all the difference—each time, every time - no exception.
Six short years ago I left the classroom to become a full
time parent. After my experiences in the classroom my
choice turned to necessity. The years with my children, now 6 and 4, cannot
be replaced. I have provided an
unconditional nest of love, compassion, guidance, and support. I have been with them, beside them, and
behind them, gently nudging each through the first steps of their years, while steadfastly
protecting their naivety. I know them well. They know me even better. We’re a team.
It WAS the right thing to
do.
